I went to my GP, she’s a big, bubbly, super expressive woman who has a son with anxiety. She told me I had low blood pressure, but unless I collapsed while I was exercising, I had nothing to worry about. Then she confirmed exactly what I had thought – going in was the issue, I needed to do it as soon as possible. I have been back to the hospital, mum took me up there just to sit for half an hour while she went shopping. I could do that without panicking. I set a target for my next shift: Follow my mentor around like a little lost sheep and don’t worry about anything else.
I was very anxious, but I coped. We did the drugs round and I didn’t faint, it was already better than day one! I was also on the lady’s bay and some of them were quite chatty and very sweet to me. One woman was very upset, I went over to her, held her hand and let her talk. She told me I had nice eyes and I would make a good nurse. It made my day. I was feeling so lost and uncomfortable. She made me feel like I had potential and didn’t need to run away and give up now – thank you brain for the ever useful advice.
My mentor is hard to work with. I don’t know if she’s had many students before, which is difficult because I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. She doesn’t explain things or tell me what she wants me to do or make time to do my paperwork. If I was someone else, I would probably have the confidence to bring that up. But I’m me and I feel like I’m barely staying afloat as it is. I do not have the spoons to have an awkward conversation. I feel like she thinks I’m fragile and totally incompetent. Maybe I’m just projecting, I don’t know. We haven’t had a chance to go through my paperwork, which explains my reasonable adjustments, so that is only making things worse.
Conclusion: My mentor sucks, but I love nursing.