This week, I confess, I was the procrastination monarch. The sun was shining. My cousin finished college and passed her driving test. There were adventures to be had, iced coffee to be drunk and frisbee to be played. The importance of assignments seemed to fade away. Despite the impending deadlines. Some sensible decisions were made and many less than sensible decisions with them. I would intend to work in the morning and play in the afternoons and evenings, but it took so long just to haul my body out of bed and longer still to put on proper clothes, that by the time I came to do some studying, it was almost time to go out again. Procrastination and the pursuit of happiness won out. Bite me. When you live in the constant shadow of depression, you have to seize any moment of happiness because there’s no guarantee that it will last.
The procrastination of course meant the assignment deadline swept up before I was prepared for it. I was getting work done, but not all of it was for the assignment and most of it was being done at ridiculous hours of the night because my body clock lost track of time. Cue immense stress and less joyful procrastination. I applied for and was granted an extension, thank goodness the university makes reasonable adjustments for those of us with oddly wired brains! I spent time trawling through research on dementia patients and how I could better communicate with them. It was fascinating, but it did bring home how utterly unprepared we are on my placement ward. There’s so much variation in staff understanding and next to no specialist support. In most cases, boredom is the biggest challenge facing our patients and there is nothing being done about it. All of this I tried to word academically and cram into my half-written assignment.
My brain has crashed somewhat. I suspect a combination of lacking routine and the stress of the assignment and not being able to get in touch with anyone in my placement area to organise my next shifts. I missed the last couple of lectures. I managed to do most of the work, but I couldn’t bring myself to get to Oxford for the sake of a couple of hours only to have to hang around twice that long to get the bus and the train back home again. Learning to drive needs to be more of a priority!